Random Thoughts

For some reason, it just occurred to me that I haven't been on my LJ for a while.  Then I thought...oh crap.  Didn't someone say that they'll delete your account for inactivity??  

So, I had to hop on and see if my account was still here.  I don't know why, but I'm very sentimental about it.  The idea that it might've been gone was very distressing.   For one -- it's a record of  my query process -- all the ups and downs and crazy in-betweens.   And it saw the birth of BTPM.  I would hate to see it go -- because boy were those some good/bad times.  I like the idea of being able to relive the moment I got my first partial request -- my first rejection (tho that one I'd rather forget (g)) and _especially_ news that I would be getting The Call.  Whoa.  Seems so long ago.  

Anyway -- it's all safe and sound.  YAY. :) 

So, I have an ex-friend that is a part of the writer's forum I'm on.  I really thought we could end our friendship and go on peaceably.  I mean, we're both adults right?  We can co-exist.  Oh contraire, mon frere.  Apparently we can't.  LOL.

There's this silly party thread where characters from everyone's wip's can gather to socialize -- you can borrow other people's MC's to write your scenes... I mean, it's in all good fun.  I forgot the term for this kind of thing -- but basically each of us will add on to the scenes before it.  It looked like _a lot_ of fun.  Even though I'm not actively doing the exercises, I figured what the hell.  I used to.  So, I decided Maddy and Gabe would crash. (g)   Hey, someone was gonna invite me, anyway. (g)

So, I read through the entire thread, looking for ways to incorporate my characters into the current story.  Aha... a poker game is going on... Great, we all know Maddy can't turn down a game.  There's something for her to do.  But what about Gabe?  So, there's a character from my ex-friend's friend's wip. LOL (mouthful), who is trying to light up a joint the whole night, and just finished throwing SH*T at another character.  Dude, Gabe would so not stand for that.  So, aha...something for him to deal with.   I write in that he confiscated her bag and dunked her in a water trough.  NO biggie -- I mean, she got him back by scratching his arms up.   Someone actually thanked me for dunking the girl. LOL.  Funny, right?  It wasn't done with any ill-will.  Frankly, I have nothing against this particular writer.

Fast forward a bit and my ex-friend adds a scene, not only exiting her characters, but all of the characters from her friend's two wips -- including the young girl.  On top of this, they made mention of Gabe dunking the girl..  and made this girl, who threw SH*T at someone, out to be an angel who had somehow been attacked.  Sorry, being dunked in water is not abuse.  In most people's worlds, that's fun.  Effectively -- they took their balls and went home.  

Can we say stupid and immature?  Of course, my first inclination was to write a scene where my characters watch them all stomp off in a huff. (g)  Of course, _I_ would never do that.   This really just bugs me.  First, I didn't join to ruin anyone's fun -- if my presence does that for them, it makes me both angry and sad.  I didn't ask/want them to leave.  Second, if they think they're making some big statement, they're wrong.  All this says about them is that they're immature a$$holes.   There, I said it.  

Okay...got that off my chest. 

*slaps her own hand* 

I have NOT been keeping up with this journal.   I'll admit that it's just easier to rant over on my blog these days.  Unfortunately, that means I leave my really crabby posts for over here. LOL.  Lucky you, eh?

Anyway -- what's going on with me?  Well, I heard back from Don about my outline.  He isn't sold on it yet -- said I need to up the stakes considerably.  However, he still loves the book and believes in it... He sent me a list of questions to get me to think a little deeper...and I'm working on it.  I also went out and got his book yesterday -- just to give me a little glimpse in his head and see if I can figure out what he's looking for.  The most confusing part is that he said essentially I had the same story -- which totally threw me.  From our original phone call, I was given the impression that he loved my story, but wanted me to beef it up in the middle.  So, that's what I did.  Now it seems that he doesn't want my original story... yeah, I'm slightly off balance, but trying to puzzle it all out.  I think I'm on to some good ideas now...so, all I can do is try to make him happy.  *crosses her fingers*

Other than that, he says I can send BY THE PALE MOONLIGHT when it's ready.  That should be soon.  I'm basically trying to figure out WHERE my story should begin.  I've received very mixed reviews on the opening chapters, and right now I've basically decided to go with my gut instincts.  Only problem is that MY ideas change every other hour about it. lol.  Oh well, I'll figure it out soon -- have to, honestly.  I need to move forward and get to a new book or to rewriting FI... this no writing bullsh*t is the pits.  I'm bored out of my mind and SUCH a grump.

Hmm, other than that... I got a rejection on a full yesterday.  A form letter. (oh yeah)  That part is the part that hurt -- rather than the rejection itself, which honestly, I expect every time I send anything out.  LOL.  How's that for being beat down by the process?  No, having a form sent stung -- I mean, was it that bad that you can't send a few personalized lines of encouragement or something?  LOL.  Okay, maybe I expect too much, but this is my first full rejection.  I always thought most agents gave some kind of feedback... but NADA.  They must've really hated it... which is kind of interesting considering they requested it after a 30 page partial.  LOL.  Oh well.  I'm really hoping everything works out with Don anyway.   And yanno, if it doesn't, I'll have BTPM ready to start querying again.  Always best to be prepared. (g)

I'm also planning on going to Surrey this year.  I've booked my hotel for now (not a big committment considering I didn't have to pay for anything yet), but it's a start.  I look forward to it, and plan on entering one of the writing contests.  The storyteller 'un to be more specific.  I have an idea knocking around in my head and I'll probably start that as soon as I get some of these other projects finished.  I've never written a short story before...don't even know if I can.  But what the heck?  It's 5K max and fifteen bucks to enter...might as well try.  Maybe I'll hit on something good.  Maybe I'll sink faster than the Titanic...  LOL...oh well. (g)

So...that's my life.  Ohhh, and my summer classes started on Monday.  I hate summer school -- the very concept is repulsive to me. (g)  Oh well, that means a lighter load during my last semester.  WOOHOO.  

Just a reminder...here's my blog.  http://jenniferhendren.blogspot.com/

I'm much more active over there...but vow to come over here more often.

I've been having the hardest time concentrating this week.  I still haven't heard from D. and I'm becoming quite anxious. (g)  I _really_ hope he hasn't lost that loving feeling for me and FI. (g)  I know it's way too early to worry, but when he read my manuscript overnight and hasn't responded to a 5 page synopsis yet (In FOUR days), a girl tends to worry.  I keep telling myself he's just an extremely busy agent and this isn't a sign he's given up on me.  Yeah.  Okay.  If he doesn't respond tomorrow, I'm gonna go looney tunes for sure.

At any rate, I haven't written anything -- I had hoped to use the time between when I sent the outline until he called/emailed to work on the last bits of BTPM.  Quite frankly, I can't concentrate.  Every time I sit down to write, I just blank out.  I really need to snap out of this.  I'm _determined_ to get through this current scene, even if I have to stay up all night and yank each word out of myself with a pair of pliers. LOL.  Yes, I will finish this one.  HEH.  I've maybe managed 50 words during my off and on times of sitting at the computer (all day long) today.  But, I must say I'm starting to _head_ in the right direction.  I just have to keep plugging away.  The crazy thing is that I know if I can break through this I can get up to normal speed pretty quickly.  That would be 2-4K a day.  Ahhhh, I miss those days.  Since I'm starting summer school on June 11th, NOW is the time to be writing my ass off -- and not staring at the wall or numbly watching TV. 

Okay, I will stop procrastinating and get back to work.  I just had to share my frustration.

VoicePost 192K 0:56

(no transcription available)

Heh, it's a bit garbled, but that's me. (VBG) Jenna says I have an accent, but I'm adamant that I do not!! LOL.

My uncle just came in and said something to the effect of:  I'll go work on my paper, you (my aunt) will be busy doing..whatever he said, and Jennifer will do nothing -- as usual.  *blinks*  I don't care if he's joking -- I don't care if he thinks he's a friggin' barrel of laughs... DO NOT say something like that to me.  I just flippin' finished a year of hell in law school, doing something I don't even like... only to kill myself trying to get an outline together for D in a hurry because I didn't have any time before.   

Grrrrr.  

WRITING -- YES writing, Is Hard Work.

*Prays to the book Gods that soon she'll be able to afford her own apartment/house/shack/cardboard box* 

I just finished a long talk with my uncle, and I'm so fed up right now I just want to hit something. LOL.  He comes to me -- while I'm up to my eyeballs with notecards trying to do revisions of FI -- and wants to discuss HIS career prospects.  Apparently, he needed a sounding board.  Only problem was that it's exceedingly hard for me to lend an ear when he and the rest of my family seem to ignore what I'm saying about MY future. 

Like a mantra, he kept saying that I had so many prospects for when I finish law school -- so many law firms, etc...so many options.  UHHHHH...have you been listening to me at all the last year or so???  I don't want to be a lawyer.  There, I've said it _again_.  As sad as this is, law school is my BACK-UP. LOL.  If I never set foot in a law firm, that would be all kinds of good IMHO.  

They just don't understand.  I want to write.  I want to write.  I want to write.  Granted, I know the chances of being able to support myself as a writer are slim, but I'd much rather write a so-so selling book that makes a few grand while working an office job, than be a lawyer who has no time to write because legal careers suck your life dry.  I have no crazy notions about things getting _easier_ once law school is over.  If I go for a partnership track somewhere, I'm going to be working 12 hour days -- probably most weekends, and will be so mentally drained I won't have the energy to read a book let alone write one.  I don't want to be a lawyer.

At any rate, we got his life straightened out.  Now if only mine was so easy.  He said if I don't want to be a lawyer -- why am I in school?  This is from the same person who KEEPS ignoring the fact that I want to quit -- keeps telling me I only have a year left so I should keep going, etc. etc.  Yeah, that would be great.  I'd love to quit, in fact.  However, I'm all about having a contingency plan in place.  After all, as long as I have that degree, I can always fall back on a legal career.  Granted, right now I would rather gouge out my eyeballs than do that....but you never know.   Yeah, I'd love to quit -- LOVE to quit...but one year, I keep telling myself.  One more year.  Blah.

Okay, back to revisions.  I had finally reached a breakthrough and now I'm all messed up again.  Back to square one.

Carol received a full request from a publishing house.  I don't know a lot about the specifics, but I want to give her a quick shoutout and a BIG WOOHOO!!  You go, girl!

I've been a bit overwhelmed, so sorry this is coming so late.  If you haven't heard -- The Call came with the Don, and things went very well.  We're going to move forward with revisions -- no official signing or anything, but a fairly clear understanding that he wants to rep me.  If I happen to get any other offers, he wants to know ASAP so he can jump in and defend against the encroaching heathens.  Okay, it's late and I'm brainfried. (g)  He didn't say that...but you get the point. lol

Anyway -- It's exciting/overwhelming/unsettling/scary/thrilling all wrapped up in one.  Right now I need to concentrate on finals and getting my final paper in.  But after that's done, I'm hitting the revisions hardcore.  As of right now, I'm thinking I may once again bypass the legal job this summer.  Gah, I'm really shooting my legal career in the foot, but it just doesn't mean as much to me.  I'd rather concentrate on getting this puppy in print and establishing myself in the writing world.  I _may_ change my mind.  A friend of mine says she can get me in at her job -- she works for Nebraska Advocacy -- dealing with rights of the disabled, etc.  I heard it's a great place to get your feet wet, but the pay is crap. LOL.  Oh well, maybe if I wait long enough, they'll be desperate enough to want me. (g)  Why is it I'd rather get a job at B&N?  Talk about being overqualified. (g)

Hmmm, what else?  I'm still struggling to finish BTPM.  This whole DM thing really put on the brakes.  Even when I have time to write, my mind is going a million miles an hour -- not sleeping well....stressed stressed stressed. (g)  Oh well, now that I have a clear plan, it should get better.  I really love how people really jumped in to offer advice, information, etc.  I spoke on the phone with my first forumite. LOL.  I'm actually surprised it's taken me so long.  I should call everyone. *Nods*   If only I could find my mic for my headset...I could call through Yahoo.  Must find that. LOL.  

Okay, going to bed.  Hope everyone is doing well.

After all that build up, Don is out of the office today. LOL.  So, I'm not sure when the call will take place.  One great thing -- he emailed me despite not coming in for the day.  That shows promise, right? (g)

I've been scouring the net for stuff about him.  I'm not sure if this is accurate, but one site mentioned he doesn't do contracts. *blink*  You know this law student had to do a double take on that one!   From what I read, he only does "gentleman's agreements" with a verbal handshake over the phone.  WOW -- so old school!  But, you know...I'm surprisingly okay with it.  He has such a stellar reputation -- I'm sure that wouldn't be if he regularly left people in the lurch.  So, all's good -- after all, there has to be a contract with a publishing house.  And, the lack of contract goes both ways... so, if I needed, I could also get out.  (Cha right!)

Anyway -- he said we would talk later this week.  I gave him the days/times I'm available and I'm sure he'll get back to me with the day I need to guard the phone. (g)  I'll be like Lloyd Dobbler -- Don't move, don't make a sound -- nothing!  (or whatever the line was lol)  With my luck, my uncle will be home.  His favorite schtick is to tell people "yes" when they ask if Jennifer's at home.  *bum bum bum *symbol crash**

I'll be lucky if I have hair and nails when we talk. (g)

Hope everyone has had a wonderful day so far.  I'm with my family, and I'm ever thankful my grandmother is still with us.  It's been a nice quiet weekend.

To show how strange we truly are, we decided to hold an Easter egg hunt for my dog. LOL. It was SOOO much fun.  She caught on to the whole egg thing after I cracked open the first one to reveal a treat inside.  Lemme tell ya, she was all over the rest of them. (g)  At this very moment, she's passed out on the couch in the study -- guess 12 eggs filled with treats is a lot for a little doggie. I _did_ split them in half, but still.  Too cute.  My grandparents must think we're truly nuts in this household -- I suppose that's not too far from the truth.

Anyway, I've not accomplished a lot this weekend, but I decided that's okay.  It's a time for family and law school can be put on pause until Monday. :)

Can I just say that my stomach is completely filled with butterflies as I wait for Monday to roll around? LOL.  I'm having trouble sleeping and can't seem to concentrate on much.  What a LONG weekend.  But it's almost over--can't wait to get The Call.

One really fun thing is how excited my family is all of a sudden. My family--love 'em--but they're not "dreamers."  They're very 'salt of the earth' types -- work hard, pay your bills, no time for nonsense - sort of people.  Up until now, my writing has been on the downlow.  They KNEW about it, but it wasn't really discussed too much.  Every now and then someone would ask me how my "writing thing" was coming along...usually after they make sure I'm studying enough and not using all of my time to write, etc.

Anyway -- they couldn't be more excited, and everyone seems to think I'll be able to hire them for something. Uhhhh.  My sister wants to be my assistant (oh, HECK no) and my aunt wants to be my business manager.  Okay, I think my aunt is joking -- not completely convinced my sis is. LOL.  I keep reminding them that I don't have an agent yet -- there's no contract, nothing.  Even if he does agree to rep me, and I agree to be rep'd, it doesn't mean an editor will love it..etc. etc.  But it's fun to hear them dream that way. (g)

My grandfather was so cute today.  He _asked_ me about my book.  It was the weirdest thing.  Anyway, he gave me a very sage piece of advice.  He looked at me, long and steady and said, "Just remember to take this one day at a time.  Nothing's for sure until it happens."   Amen! Thanks, Grandpa! (g)  Then, after studying me for a VERY long time -- all the while, I can tell he wants to ask me _something -- he says, "How do you come up with ideas of what to write?"  *giggles*  Is that too cute, or what?  Remember -- my grandfather is 85  years old.  Bet he hasn't read more than the sports pages since he was in school.

Then my aunt and uncle -- I showed them the email DM sent.  They were really floored.  I guess they thought I might've somehow exaggerated what the agent said.  So, it was nice to share it with them so they could see that someone really seems to want ME. (g)

Been getting tidbits of advice from other writers.  I personally like the "remember he puts his pants on one leg at a time" comment. SO true and so easy to forget.  It's so hard not to get excited...gah...so EXCITING.

Just heard back.  He thinks Madison is one helluva character, that I have excellent writing chops, and that I'll do well in fiction.  *BLINKS*  There were other things -- snappy narration and good dialogue... but that's not important right now! lol

He thinks NARC needs some work, plotwise -- but would like to discuss it with me, if yanno...I'm open to revisions.  Uhh...lemme think.... well....UH YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAH. (g)

I'd work on it right now if I knew what he wanted. LOL.  And you know, I couldn't agree with him more.  If there's one weak point about it, it's a strong arc with the antagonist.  Not that it's BAD, but it definitely needs work in the middle.  So, I guess my "instincts" are right...so, whatever it will take to get this book up and running is _fine_ with me.  I'm just so happy he's willing to work on it with me.  OMG...I've seriously never had a more exciting moment in my life. LOL.  

_The Donald_.  OMG.

What a day it has been! (g)  I stayed up until 330 last night, reading through NARC 1 so I could send it off to D this morning.  Of course, I finish the book -- so tired, eyes won't stay open -- everything is blurry and running together.  I shut off my computer, get under the covers and realize I forgot to write up this mini-paper for my legal profession class.  I'm always late in the morning, and my exhaustion is NOT going to help -- so writing it in the morning doesn't seem like such a good idea.  I get up--boot up the 'puter--and write the dang thing.  Then I can't sleep because I'm worried I'm gonna miss something in my MS that will make D say NO and run away yelling, "What was I thinking?!?!?"  LOL.

Anyway, of course I wake up before 8 -- want to die.  In SUCH terrible shape. (g)  I send off the MS -- get a response very quickly, saying he's going to print it off right away and get right to it.  *blinks*  And since he asked if this was really my first book, of course I told him it was, but that I had just completed a YA novel and have started on a possible followup to NARC.  He wants to know about them both -- says they have a very hot YA agent right now.  *blinks*

I send back an email describing both projects -- give 'em my snazzy hook for BTPM that I spent two days writing.  (Don't hooks suck??)

I get a response.. Is BTPM _ready_?  *blinks*

I write back that I just completed it, and it hasn't had a final polish yet.  I offered to send him some chapters if he wanted to take a look, blah blah blah.  

I get a response -- He wants to read it, but would prefer if I wait until it's polished.  Besides, he's busily reading NARC.  *blinks*  During the day???

And now I wait.  LOL.  Wow.  That's just nutty.  I have no idea if this is "normal," but lemme tell ya -- it pretty much knocked me on my fanny.

It's so hard to stay grounded right now, I'm _really_ trying to.  He could read the rest of NARC and hate it.  He COULD.  But this amount of correspondence is so encouraging.  Then again, maybe he's always like this.  I don't really know.  This is the first time I feel like an agent has really tried to "work" with me  or have some sort of dialogue.  It's too cool.  LOL.  

But alas, I'm about to fall over. LOL.  Oh well, I'll take this kind of day _any day_.

Donald Maass has requested a full of NARC 1.  I think I may pass out. (G)

Just a quick update on BTPM.  I haven't finished it yet.  So, I fell short of my March goal.  I'm not going to beat myself up about it, though.  I managed 30K words this month and that ain't bad.  In the end, I was about 3K shy of my 60K goal.  

As of NOW, I'm about 750 words short... but will definitely go over 60K.  I still have 2-3 chapters to pull together and the ending scenes to write.  Granted, I have the very _last_ scene written, but that's top secret. (g)  I won't even let myself look at it.  (kidding)

Anyway -- I'm so excited to be this close.  I'm hoping to have a completed draft in hand tonight -- maybe tomorrow.  Either way, I'm finishing this book before I turn my attention to my research paper.  Which means I need to finish soon, cuz that sucker is due in less than three weeks. (g)  If only I could turn my book progress in for credit.  *daydreaming*

And my favorite month is here -- LOVE April.  Spent a good portion of yesterday outside -- probably why I'm not finished yet. LOL.  Oh well, the weather is too good to miss.  Plus, my pup insisted I play with her.  My aunt's in a complete spring cleaning frenzy, so I'm trying to steer clear of her. (g)  I don't think my sitting with my computer in lap is something she'll be too concerned with breaking up -- no matter if I'm writing or not.  :)

I'm not one to preach to the choir about certain things -- For the most part, I always say to each his own, be it regarding whatever aspect of life.  However, I have to say that I'm very amused by certain comments made recently about crit groups/partners and "writing rules."   Seems there's a general attitude going around that the lack of progress/depth in someone's work has to do with their membership to critting circles and having The Rules crammed down their throats.   That somehow the influence of the other members stymied their progress or ability to get their character's voice to translate clearly.  It's THEIR fault...whoever THEY are.  LOL.

So...yeah.  Here's the thing.  (I'm going to rant for a moment -- please excuse me.)

NO ONE and I mean NO ONE can force you to write your book a certain way.  We are not sitting on your shoulder or whispering in your ear into the wee hours of the morning demanding you listen to our advice.  And, I don't know how others view the whole crit process -- but once I offer my opinion, I'm done.  It's like a present I leave on your doorstep.  I can give it to you, but I can't control whether you take it inside and open it or whether you throw it away and never look at it again.  It's no sweat off my back if you declare the gift rubbish and toss it to the curb.  That's your deal.  I have my own book to write.

So, to sit there and say crit groups are the reason your chapters are sucking is a JOKE.  Give me a break.  Your lack of confidence and belief in your work -- leading you to change your wip a million times over in order to please everyone -- has nothing to do with the critters involved.  It has to do with YOU.  ONLY YOU.  You wrote the chapters in question.  And if you let the advice of others lead you down the wrong road, then that's your fault.  OWN IT.

As for writing rules -- Sheesh.  If you're just now figuring out that rules are made to be broken... you've got bigger issues.

Rant over. 

Kristin Nelson is out in NY meeting with publishers right now.  According to what she's heard from the people at Penguin (granted, this may not be universal), editors are looking for paranormal YA's EXCEPT about  vampires and werewolves.  GAK!  LOL.  I have to believe they don't mean BTPM -- and I'm hoping the edgier nature of it will push it through to publication.  Plus...as Jenna would say -- Ty is one sexy beast, and he deserves to see the world. (g)

Anyway -- I need to work on a _full_ synopsis for NARC.  *cries*  I hate them so. 

I just received another partial request today.  That means I have a total of one full and three partials out right now for NARC. Not bad. :)  I'm feeling pretty good about it, but will admit to having a difficult time switching gears from BTPM back to NARC. Granted, it's only going to take some printing and a cover letter...but still. LOL.  (I know..complain complain...things could be so much worse) It's just that I still have a good chunk of work to do to finish BTPM and I'm determined to finish it before April -- that gives me 6 days, including today.  YIKES.

Anyway -- I have about 6.5K to go until I hit my goal -- but I've pulled together the first 13 chapters... not much left. (g) YAY.  Soon.

Tonight is my last official bit of freedom.  I'm back to school tomorrow.  WHY!!?!?!?  

Okay, I'm fine.  Really.

The happy news -- I managed a little over 25K on BTPM this week.  That brings me close to 53K, when my end goal is 60K.  Basically, I have the ending to finish -- and then some tiny scenes to pull the entire thing together.  It looks _great_.  I love it and I can't wait to start the sequel.   I joined kidcrit tonight -- slapped up my first chapter and now we'll see what people think of it. :)

And can I just take a moment to pay kudos to the women who run that section?  Marsha and Rose are seriously two of the nicest people I've met online -- they really go out of their way to make you feel welcome.  I'm very excited to be a part of that group.  I crit four pieces tonight, and the caliber of the work is very good there.  I'm thrilled and honored to have a chance to learn from its members.  

Okay...have to be up in four hours. LOL.  Better go.