Random Thoughts

For some reason, it just occurred to me that I haven't been on my LJ for a while.  Then I thought...oh crap.  Didn't someone say that they'll delete your account for inactivity??  

So, I had to hop on and see if my account was still here.  I don't know why, but I'm very sentimental about it.  The idea that it might've been gone was very distressing.   For one -- it's a record of  my query process -- all the ups and downs and crazy in-betweens.   And it saw the birth of BTPM.  I would hate to see it go -- because boy were those some good/bad times.  I like the idea of being able to relive the moment I got my first partial request -- my first rejection (tho that one I'd rather forget (g)) and _especially_ news that I would be getting The Call.  Whoa.  Seems so long ago.  

Anyway -- it's all safe and sound.  YAY. :) 

So, I have an ex-friend that is a part of the writer's forum I'm on.  I really thought we could end our friendship and go on peaceably.  I mean, we're both adults right?  We can co-exist.  Oh contraire, mon frere.  Apparently we can't.  LOL.

There's this silly party thread where characters from everyone's wip's can gather to socialize -- you can borrow other people's MC's to write your scenes... I mean, it's in all good fun.  I forgot the term for this kind of thing -- but basically each of us will add on to the scenes before it.  It looked like _a lot_ of fun.  Even though I'm not actively doing the exercises, I figured what the hell.  I used to.  So, I decided Maddy and Gabe would crash. (g)   Hey, someone was gonna invite me, anyway. (g)

So, I read through the entire thread, looking for ways to incorporate my characters into the current story.  Aha... a poker game is going on... Great, we all know Maddy can't turn down a game.  There's something for her to do.  But what about Gabe?  So, there's a character from my ex-friend's friend's wip. LOL (mouthful), who is trying to light up a joint the whole night, and just finished throwing SH*T at another character.  Dude, Gabe would so not stand for that.  So, aha...something for him to deal with.   I write in that he confiscated her bag and dunked her in a water trough.  NO biggie -- I mean, she got him back by scratching his arms up.   Someone actually thanked me for dunking the girl. LOL.  Funny, right?  It wasn't done with any ill-will.  Frankly, I have nothing against this particular writer.

Fast forward a bit and my ex-friend adds a scene, not only exiting her characters, but all of the characters from her friend's two wips -- including the young girl.  On top of this, they made mention of Gabe dunking the girl..  and made this girl, who threw SH*T at someone, out to be an angel who had somehow been attacked.  Sorry, being dunked in water is not abuse.  In most people's worlds, that's fun.  Effectively -- they took their balls and went home.  

Can we say stupid and immature?  Of course, my first inclination was to write a scene where my characters watch them all stomp off in a huff. (g)  Of course, _I_ would never do that.   This really just bugs me.  First, I didn't join to ruin anyone's fun -- if my presence does that for them, it makes me both angry and sad.  I didn't ask/want them to leave.  Second, if they think they're making some big statement, they're wrong.  All this says about them is that they're immature a$$holes.   There, I said it.  

Okay...got that off my chest. 

*slaps her own hand* 

I have NOT been keeping up with this journal.   I'll admit that it's just easier to rant over on my blog these days.  Unfortunately, that means I leave my really crabby posts for over here. LOL.  Lucky you, eh?

Anyway -- what's going on with me?  Well, I heard back from Don about my outline.  He isn't sold on it yet -- said I need to up the stakes considerably.  However, he still loves the book and believes in it... He sent me a list of questions to get me to think a little deeper...and I'm working on it.  I also went out and got his book yesterday -- just to give me a little glimpse in his head and see if I can figure out what he's looking for.  The most confusing part is that he said essentially I had the same story -- which totally threw me.  From our original phone call, I was given the impression that he loved my story, but wanted me to beef it up in the middle.  So, that's what I did.  Now it seems that he doesn't want my original story... yeah, I'm slightly off balance, but trying to puzzle it all out.  I think I'm on to some good ideas now...so, all I can do is try to make him happy.  *crosses her fingers*

Other than that, he says I can send BY THE PALE MOONLIGHT when it's ready.  That should be soon.  I'm basically trying to figure out WHERE my story should begin.  I've received very mixed reviews on the opening chapters, and right now I've basically decided to go with my gut instincts.  Only problem is that MY ideas change every other hour about it. lol.  Oh well, I'll figure it out soon -- have to, honestly.  I need to move forward and get to a new book or to rewriting FI... this no writing bullsh*t is the pits.  I'm bored out of my mind and SUCH a grump.

Hmm, other than that... I got a rejection on a full yesterday.  A form letter. (oh yeah)  That part is the part that hurt -- rather than the rejection itself, which honestly, I expect every time I send anything out.  LOL.  How's that for being beat down by the process?  No, having a form sent stung -- I mean, was it that bad that you can't send a few personalized lines of encouragement or something?  LOL.  Okay, maybe I expect too much, but this is my first full rejection.  I always thought most agents gave some kind of feedback... but NADA.  They must've really hated it... which is kind of interesting considering they requested it after a 30 page partial.  LOL.  Oh well.  I'm really hoping everything works out with Don anyway.   And yanno, if it doesn't, I'll have BTPM ready to start querying again.  Always best to be prepared. (g)

I'm also planning on going to Surrey this year.  I've booked my hotel for now (not a big committment considering I didn't have to pay for anything yet), but it's a start.  I look forward to it, and plan on entering one of the writing contests.  The storyteller 'un to be more specific.  I have an idea knocking around in my head and I'll probably start that as soon as I get some of these other projects finished.  I've never written a short story before...don't even know if I can.  But what the heck?  It's 5K max and fifteen bucks to enter...might as well try.  Maybe I'll hit on something good.  Maybe I'll sink faster than the Titanic...  LOL...oh well. (g)

So...that's my life.  Ohhh, and my summer classes started on Monday.  I hate summer school -- the very concept is repulsive to me. (g)  Oh well, that means a lighter load during my last semester.  WOOHOO.  

Just a reminder...here's my blog.  http://jenniferhendren.blogspot.com/

I'm much more active over there...but vow to come over here more often.

I've been having the hardest time concentrating this week.  I still haven't heard from D. and I'm becoming quite anxious. (g)  I _really_ hope he hasn't lost that loving feeling for me and FI. (g)  I know it's way too early to worry, but when he read my manuscript overnight and hasn't responded to a 5 page synopsis yet (In FOUR days), a girl tends to worry.  I keep telling myself he's just an extremely busy agent and this isn't a sign he's given up on me.  Yeah.  Okay.  If he doesn't respond tomorrow, I'm gonna go looney tunes for sure.

At any rate, I haven't written anything -- I had hoped to use the time between when I sent the outline until he called/emailed to work on the last bits of BTPM.  Quite frankly, I can't concentrate.  Every time I sit down to write, I just blank out.  I really need to snap out of this.  I'm _determined_ to get through this current scene, even if I have to stay up all night and yank each word out of myself with a pair of pliers. LOL.  Yes, I will finish this one.  HEH.  I've maybe managed 50 words during my off and on times of sitting at the computer (all day long) today.  But, I must say I'm starting to _head_ in the right direction.  I just have to keep plugging away.  The crazy thing is that I know if I can break through this I can get up to normal speed pretty quickly.  That would be 2-4K a day.  Ahhhh, I miss those days.  Since I'm starting summer school on June 11th, NOW is the time to be writing my ass off -- and not staring at the wall or numbly watching TV. 

Okay, I will stop procrastinating and get back to work.  I just had to share my frustration.

VoicePost 192K 0:56

(no transcription available)

Heh, it's a bit garbled, but that's me. (VBG) Jenna says I have an accent, but I'm adamant that I do not!! LOL.

My uncle just came in and said something to the effect of:  I'll go work on my paper, you (my aunt) will be busy doing..whatever he said, and Jennifer will do nothing -- as usual.  *blinks*  I don't care if he's joking -- I don't care if he thinks he's a friggin' barrel of laughs... DO NOT say something like that to me.  I just flippin' finished a year of hell in law school, doing something I don't even like... only to kill myself trying to get an outline together for D in a hurry because I didn't have any time before.   

Grrrrr.  

WRITING -- YES writing, Is Hard Work.

*Prays to the book Gods that soon she'll be able to afford her own apartment/house/shack/cardboard box* 

I just finished a long talk with my uncle, and I'm so fed up right now I just want to hit something. LOL.  He comes to me -- while I'm up to my eyeballs with notecards trying to do revisions of FI -- and wants to discuss HIS career prospects.  Apparently, he needed a sounding board.  Only problem was that it's exceedingly hard for me to lend an ear when he and the rest of my family seem to ignore what I'm saying about MY future. 

Like a mantra, he kept saying that I had so many prospects for when I finish law school -- so many law firms, etc...so many options.  UHHHHH...have you been listening to me at all the last year or so???  I don't want to be a lawyer.  There, I've said it _again_.  As sad as this is, law school is my BACK-UP. LOL.  If I never set foot in a law firm, that would be all kinds of good IMHO.  

They just don't understand.  I want to write.  I want to write.  I want to write.  Granted, I know the chances of being able to support myself as a writer are slim, but I'd much rather write a so-so selling book that makes a few grand while working an office job, than be a lawyer who has no time to write because legal careers suck your life dry.  I have no crazy notions about things getting _easier_ once law school is over.  If I go for a partnership track somewhere, I'm going to be working 12 hour days -- probably most weekends, and will be so mentally drained I won't have the energy to read a book let alone write one.  I don't want to be a lawyer.

At any rate, we got his life straightened out.  Now if only mine was so easy.  He said if I don't want to be a lawyer -- why am I in school?  This is from the same person who KEEPS ignoring the fact that I want to quit -- keeps telling me I only have a year left so I should keep going, etc. etc.  Yeah, that would be great.  I'd love to quit, in fact.  However, I'm all about having a contingency plan in place.  After all, as long as I have that degree, I can always fall back on a legal career.  Granted, right now I would rather gouge out my eyeballs than do that....but you never know.   Yeah, I'd love to quit -- LOVE to quit...but one year, I keep telling myself.  One more year.  Blah.

Okay, back to revisions.  I had finally reached a breakthrough and now I'm all messed up again.  Back to square one.

Carol received a full request from a publishing house.  I don't know a lot about the specifics, but I want to give her a quick shoutout and a BIG WOOHOO!!  You go, girl!

I've been a bit overwhelmed, so sorry this is coming so late.  If you haven't heard -- The Call came with the Don, and things went very well.  We're going to move forward with revisions -- no official signing or anything, but a fairly clear understanding that he wants to rep me.  If I happen to get any other offers, he wants to know ASAP so he can jump in and defend against the encroaching heathens.  Okay, it's late and I'm brainfried. (g)  He didn't say that...but you get the point. lol

Anyway -- It's exciting/overwhelming/unsettling/scary/thrilling all wrapped up in one.  Right now I need to concentrate on finals and getting my final paper in.  But after that's done, I'm hitting the revisions hardcore.  As of right now, I'm thinking I may once again bypass the legal job this summer.  Gah, I'm really shooting my legal career in the foot, but it just doesn't mean as much to me.  I'd rather concentrate on getting this puppy in print and establishing myself in the writing world.  I _may_ change my mind.  A friend of mine says she can get me in at her job -- she works for Nebraska Advocacy -- dealing with rights of the disabled, etc.  I heard it's a great place to get your feet wet, but the pay is crap. LOL.  Oh well, maybe if I wait long enough, they'll be desperate enough to want me. (g)  Why is it I'd rather get a job at B&N?  Talk about being overqualified. (g)

Hmmm, what else?  I'm still struggling to finish BTPM.  This whole DM thing really put on the brakes.  Even when I have time to write, my mind is going a million miles an hour -- not sleeping well....stressed stressed stressed. (g)  Oh well, now that I have a clear plan, it should get better.  I really love how people really jumped in to offer advice, information, etc.  I spoke on the phone with my first forumite. LOL.  I'm actually surprised it's taken me so long.  I should call everyone. *Nods*   If only I could find my mic for my headset...I could call through Yahoo.  Must find that. LOL.  

Okay, going to bed.  Hope everyone is doing well.

After all that build up, Don is out of the office today. LOL.  So, I'm not sure when the call will take place.  One great thing -- he emailed me despite not coming in for the day.  That shows promise, right? (g)

I've been scouring the net for stuff about him.  I'm not sure if this is accurate, but one site mentioned he doesn't do contracts. *blink*  You know this law student had to do a double take on that one!   From what I read, he only does "gentleman's agreements" with a verbal handshake over the phone.  WOW -- so old school!  But, you know...I'm surprisingly okay with it.  He has such a stellar reputation -- I'm sure that wouldn't be if he regularly left people in the lurch.  So, all's good -- after all, there has to be a contract with a publishing house.  And, the lack of contract goes both ways... so, if I needed, I could also get out.  (Cha right!)

Anyway -- he said we would talk later this week.  I gave him the days/times I'm available and I'm sure he'll get back to me with the day I need to guard the phone. (g)  I'll be like Lloyd Dobbler -- Don't move, don't make a sound -- nothing!  (or whatever the line was lol)  With my luck, my uncle will be home.  His favorite schtick is to tell people "yes" when they ask if Jennifer's at home.  *bum bum bum *symbol crash**

I'll be lucky if I have hair and nails when we talk. (g)